Happy Monday!

• This one is for those unfortunate souls that have to go with their wives to the mall when you don’t have the justification of watching your favorite football team on a Sunday afternoon because they are playing on Monday night. Gentlemen, if you find yourself tricked into being a human clothes rack in your wife’s favorite clothing store while she is armed with a handful of coupons during a major sale, here are a few tricks I’ve learned to keep yourself preoccupied.


• Try and guess the names of all the sales associates you come across in the store. When you guess wrong, disagree with the associate and tell them what it really is.


• Position yourself to be within earshot of your wife and still get enough cell phone reception to have ESPN’s game tracker going.


• Seek out other guys stuck in the same situation, there is safety in numbers.
  Go to the intimate apparel section, point at a manikin wearing some unmentionables, and ask the saleslady if they have it your size.


• Wander around the racks and continue to say loudly “Marco!” over and over again until somebody responds with “Polo!”


• Go into a dressing room and confess your sins to the person in the stall next to you.
  Hand a stack of pants back to the dressing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."
  
  You will either be entertained through this whole process or your wife may never ask you to go with her again.